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Frisco Body Armor Upgrade

San Franciscans are about to get a surprise in the form of higher taxes due to budget increases in the city’s emergency services.  Along with new turn-outs for city firefighters, SFPD will see upgrades in both transportation and protective gear.

City Controller, Greg Wagner, has greenlighted the purchase of a fleet of fell beasts from a supplier in Mordor to cut down on police response times in outlying districts. Until now, the department has only had cars, motorcycles, bikes, and the occasional luck dragon to rely on to patrol and protect the community.

“This upgrade will cut our response times in half,” advised Police Chief Derrick Yew, “…although we have a small issue with them eating their riders.”  

Traditionally fellbeasts have only been ridden by Nazgûl, who are undead, and thus, not very appetizing, so Wagner’s office also OK’d an upgrade to the Police Department’s body armor to reduce consumption related injuries.

“At $800,000 a suit it might seem a little high,” Yew acknowledged, “but we take officer safety very seriously.  Plus, Mithril is so in this year.”

2 responses to “Frisco Body Armor Upgrade”

  1. icons92 Avatar
    icons92

    Smells of government corruption. At $800,000 per suit, you know that someone is getting a major cut of that money. And I would bet that it is a close friend of Yew.

    Police officers know that their work is dangerous and yet they choose to keep doing it. I don’t see why we should care about their safety. They know the risks and should do the responsible thing and decline this mithril armor that is being paid for by the tax payers.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Loser News Avatar

      You’re preaching to the choir, Icons! Police uniforms should be made of paper mache and bread ties. If they think they need personal protection, maybe they should hire other people to stand between them and the danger rather than asking the taxpayers to fork over their money for fancy armor.

      -Glump

      Like

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  1. icons92

    Smells of government corruption. At $800,000 per suit, you know that someone is getting a major cut of that money. And I would bet that it is a close friend of Yew.

    Police officers know that their work is dangerous and yet they choose to keep doing it. I don’t see why we should care about their safety. They know the risks and should do the responsible thing and decline this mithril armor that is being paid for by the tax payers.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Loser News

      You’re preaching to the choir, Icons! Police uniforms should be made of paper mache and bread ties. If they think they need personal protection, maybe they should hire other people to stand between them and the danger rather than asking the taxpayers to fork over their money for fancy armor.

      -Glump

      Like