Loser News

News you didn’t know you didn’t need…


Z is for Xylophone

“She would have wanted me to do it,” insurance agent-turned-author, Gus Melman, told Loser News earlier this week.

Melman, who was novelist Sue Grafton’s Santa Barbara neighbor from 2003-2005, just completed his first novel which ironically ties up Grafton’s Alphabet Series just nine years after her death.

“We discussed the series frequently over the backyard fence,” he continued.  “I told her I’d finish it for her if she croaked before she got to ‘Z’.  She just gave me a weird look, which I took as a green light.”

Melman, who says he’s read at least two and a half books in the series, divulged that he’s taking protagonist, Kinsey Millhone, in a slightly different direction.

“Yeah, she’s moonlighting as a stripper now,” he remarked over his third Dos Equis.  “Plus, she has a kid who gets kidnapped at the beginning of the book and she has to solve a murder to get him back.”

When asked whether he was concerned the changes might ostracize Grafton fans, he seemed unconcerned.

“Those people just want closure,” he explained.  “They could really give a crap about Kinsie Whatserbutt.  In truth, I spent most of the book introducing characters from my upcoming series The Numeric Mysteries.”

Melman’s next book, 1 is for Wonderful, is set to hit bookstores in the fall of 2027.

2 responses to “Z is for Xylophone”

  1.  Avatar
    Anonymous

    I have been waiting for the for what feels like a zillion zepto-seconds for the final book and now it is here! My library, unfortunately, doesn’t have a copy yet, and I can’t seem to find it in Amazon or any other retailer. Could you put me in touch with Gus Melman so that I could purchase a copy directly from the author?

    Sincerely, The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog

    Like

    1. Loser News Avatar

      Hi Anon,

      There may be a delay on the release of this literary gem due to baseless allegations of copyright infringement.

      Feel free to send a $200,008.25 deposit and we’ll reserve you a copy. The $8.25 is for shipping.

      Gus

      Like

Leave a comment

90210 Ads Afghanistan Alien baffled Bon Jovi California cat CDC Christmas court Covid diet Dr. B Eldon Tubbs Environment fat FBI fitness Gamba Gangs Grandma granola Hulk Hunting Jihad kitten Korea Kylo mental health New guy Obama Oprah Poetry riots Running Dans Sasquatch Shady Acres Sharpton Sigourney Smurf Supreme Court Trump Truss Phunn war

Leave a comment

Comments (

2

)

  1. Anonymous

    I have been waiting for the for what feels like a zillion zepto-seconds for the final book and now it is here! My library, unfortunately, doesn’t have a copy yet, and I can’t seem to find it in Amazon or any other retailer. Could you put me in touch with Gus Melman so that I could purchase a copy directly from the author?

    Sincerely, The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog

    Like

    1. Loser News

      Hi Anon,

      There may be a delay on the release of this literary gem due to baseless allegations of copyright infringement.

      Feel free to send a $200,008.25 deposit and we’ll reserve you a copy. The $8.25 is for shipping.

      Gus

      Like