Loser News

The United States Supreme Court has affirmed that, in several states, men are not women and should not be allowed to play in women’s high school or collegiate sports.

The court, in a 9-0 decision, ruled that banning transgender women and girls from competing in female sports does not violate Title IX, a civil rights law prohibiting discrimination in education.

“Consistent with Title IX and the Equal Protection Clause, we hold that the States may maintain women’s and girls’ sports for biological females,” wrote Justice Brett Kavanaugh, who authored the opinion.  “The State may determine eligibility for women’s and girls’ sports based on biological sex.”

Per the ruling’s Butch Watch clause, an athlete’s biological sex may be challenged whenever they are suspected of being a biological male, or if someone has lost playing time because one of their teammates is “crazy-good”.   Responsibility for determining an individual’s biological sex will fall to each institution’s custodial staff, because “nobody else will want to see that stuff”.

When asked whether women could still participate in men’s sports, Kavanaugh said it was permissible for the time being.  “We just figured out that men aren’t women,” he explained.  “It’s going to be at least another 5 years before we figure out whether women are men.”