Category: Breaking News!!
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California Comeback
In an impromptu political pivot, previous Democratic California Congressman, Allen Chestburster, has come out of retirement to run as the Republican nominee for U.S. Representative of the 48th District of California. The decision comes on the heels of incumbant Darrell Issa’s failure to register as a candidate due to a rare parasitic facial condition. Chestburster left the political…
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Puffy Off the Stay-Pufts / Marmoset Makes Movie Mayhem
EAST LOTHIAN, SCOTTLAND- Charities have warned of a growing trade in wild animals across Scotland after Sean “Diddy” Combs was discovered in a bird cage in East Lothian with a marshmallow addiction. They are calling on the Scottish government to introduce a permitted list of animals that can be legally kept as pets. OneKind, the…
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Biden Called Out For Crayons
A shocking investigation by the Heritage Foundation’s Oversight Project has revealed that virtually every document bearing Joe Biden’s signature during his presidency was signed in crayon — except for one. ”You know how dangerous pens can be,” remarked ex-First Lady and educator, Jill Biden, “and we didn’t want him putting an eye out.” The investigation…
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America Says “Nyet” to Russia
‘MERICA- Thousands of flabby Americans took to the streets today to boycott Russia’s unprovoked aggression toward its Ukrainian neighbors. In Omaha, protesters purchased and smashed thousands of bottles of vodka, some of it Russian, until stores ran out and they were forced to smash Jack Daniels bottles to symbolically express their angst. “Suck on that,…
Loser News 