Category: Breaking News!!
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Tens of Thousands of Austrians Think for Themselves Despite Government’s Disapproval
AUSTRIA…Europe?- A small band of dissidents took to the streets in Austria earlier this week to protest extremely reasonable “guidelines” set forth by a government that’s virtually never been on the wrong side of history. The almost infinitesimal group of 35,000 were beating drums, sounding horns, and chanting hate speech, such as “No forced…
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CDC Expands Coronavirus Symptoms
America- Today the CDC released a list of new symptoms associated with COVID-19, the new contagion that’s sweeping the nation and the world. Dr. Elmer Poote, spokesperson for the Center for Disease Control, advised that the virus may have mutated, and thus present in a range of new symptoms. “We don’t quite know the entire spectrum of new…
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First Left-Handed White Rapper Between the Ages of 19 & 25 Who Lives with Parents Contracts Coronavirus
Abner Pooterman, A.K.A. “D.J. Huggy-Poote”, a 23 year old convenience store clerk at the Shell station near the junior college has reportedly contracted the Coronavirus. Pooterman is the first left-handed white rapper between the ages of 19 & 25 who lives with his parents to test positive for the disease, shaking the foundations of the…
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Empirical Evidence
CHICAGO-New light was shed on a controversial assault case when brothers Stephen and Alec Baldwin were arrested for assaulting actress Ellen Page at 2:00 am on the same Chicago street as the Jussie Smollett assault. Smollett, who was previously charged with falsifying a statement in which he claimed he was the target of a hate…
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