Category: Breaking News!!
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FBI Investigates Primate E-Mails / Australia Zoo Boasts Oldest First Lady
WASHINGTON ― The FBI announced Friday that it is reviewing new emails to determine whether they are connected to Democratic presidential nominee, Puan the Orangutan’s, handling of sensitive government information. The emails were found on devices belonging to Puan’s aide Huma Abedin and former Congressman Anthony Weiner. In a Friday letter to members of Congress,…
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Pig Ousts Reporter / Professors Pruned
COLUMBIA, MO-The feral pig seen in a viral video trying to prevent a photographer from covering campus protests resigned her “courtesy” appointment with the journalism school on Wednesday — however, university administrators were circling the wagons and not commenting further on her employment status within the College of Arts and Sciences. The sow resigned her…
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Gravity: Still a Downer
In a bizarre series of events, an Australian woman has died after falling a mere 984 ft from a peak in New Zealand’s Aoraki/Mt Cook National Park. Rescue teams responded to an emergency location beacon on the Eugenie Glacier this morning where they were astonished to find that the 29-year-old had been critically injured, having…
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Obama Administration Condemns Murder/ Says Murder OK
WASHINGTON, D.C.-President Barack Obama told a group of young African leaders on Monday that killing albinos to harvest body parts was a “foolish tradition.” At the Young African Leaders Initiative summit in Washington D.C., President Obama was asked about the murder of African albinos and the harvesting of their body parts for financial gain. “The…
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