Category: Breaking News!!
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Doing It For The Kids
From behind a human shield of strategically placed multicultural children, President Obama addressed an emotionally torn country about the hazards of not following policies put forth by eight year olds. A visibly indifferent Hinna Zeejah, one of seven Long Island residents who survived Hurricane Sandy, sent a powerful message to the Head of State, saying,…
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Sharpton Speaks Out…Again
LOS ANGELES-Three hours after the discovery of Rodney King’s body at the bottom of a swimming pool, Rev. Al Sharpton has implicated George Zimmerman and former L.A. detective, Mark Fuhrman, in the death. King, who’s beating at the hands of police officers in 1991 sparked racial violence in the Los Angeles area, was found, submerged,…
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Scientists Amazed By Celebrity Interaction / Aging Aquatics’ Coincidental Meeting
HOLLYWOOD- In a local hospital, scientists have observed unusual interaction between Austrian Schwarzeneggers and Italian Stallones. The accompanying photo features the first recorded examples of a gregarious Austrian lifting two fingers to a nearby Stallone in what seems a game for both animals. The slowness of the Schwarzenegger’s movements, the Stallone’s obvious cooperation, and the…
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Injury Report
Barnstead, NH- Maintenance worker, Ike Johnson, is doubtful for Saturday’s overtime shift at the Lakes Region Pellet factory after being sidelined Thursday with a sore right hamstring. “It’s been a tough year,” the Electrician admitted. “Last month, the calf strain. Now this. I’m not worried though. I’ll bounce back.” LRP has had a long string…
Loser News 