Loser News

Tired of those cereals that promise you energy, health, and world class athleticism followed by a bizarre mid-life crisis? Who isn’t?!?

That’s why all of us at Wholegood Foods are so excited to bring you Honey Frosted Morph-e-o‘s! (Why the hyphens and possessive apostrophe? We have no idea! We were so hopped up on cereal, we can’t remember.)

Made from only the finest organic, free-range Vietnamese opium poppies, and sprinkled with a synthetic sweetener that could be mistaken for honey, Morph-e-o’s are a delicious nutrient-neutral alternative to your traditional breakfast.

Morph-e-o’s are FDA approved, LPGA endorsed, and each bite comes with a refreshing burst of retsin. And now they’re available without a prescription.

Honey Frosted Morph-e-o’s, they’re morphtast…licious!