Loser News

Dear Dr. Baddadvaisz,

I’m an inmate on Death Row at a Wyoming prison and am set to be executed by lethal injection next week. I don’t have health insurance and, with name-brand drugs being so expensive, I figured I’d just use generics to save some cash. My personal physician/executioner says I should just splurge on the good stuff, but then I won’t be able to buy any Honey Buns for my last meal. Am I making the right choice?

Sincerely,

Dying2No

 

Dear Diane,

I too have had my brushes with the law.  I was once pulled over because my turning signal was not working properly.  Fortunately, I was let off with only a warning because I am a doctor.

I don’t usually prescribe generic brands because I won’t receive kick-backs from the pharmaceutical companies, but in your case I would make an exception. Many generic drugs perform only marginally worse than their mainstream partners.

Certainly, your suffering will be prolonged and the pain will be excruciating, but you should die nonetheless.

Keep In Touch,

Dr. B.