Loser News

A probe into the finances of Presidential hopeful, Mitt Romney, has uncovered disturbing results. Romney’s total income, last year, came to a whopping 20 million dollars. Now that’s only 285 times what I make a year, for which I was taxed roughly 5% after deductions, charitable contributions, and a sprinkle of number fudging. This guy only had a 14% tax rate after all was said and done, and that’s just wrong.

Sure, he may have paid 40 times my annual income in taxes, but I paid some ten thousand dollars in support of this great nation, and only received a six thousand dollar check at the end of the year. Romney only paid 2.8 million dollars, which is disgusting. What the heck can we get for that amount of money?!? It barely provides annual income and benefits for 51 enlisted men in our armed forces, which is only slightly more than a large platoon.

I, for one, will not stand for this. Thus, I have used my keen investigative skills to unearth Romney’s actual 2011 tax documents, which can be viewed here.