Loser News

My grandma used to say, “Eat right and exercise…unless you’re too fat, or have to take hemoglobin shots, or bear a remarkable resemblance to Rutger Hauer, or smell like syrup, or have anhidrosis, or have never watched Gladiator, or feel like you’re hands are on the wrong arm, or never christened a boat, or subsist on a steady diet of human flesh and Snickers minis.”

And you know what? She was right.