Loser News

WASHINGTON – Facing a disgusted public and Congress, tornadoes agreed with demands for greater accountability Wednesday in the first testimony on how they’re spending money from the taxpayer-funded $700 billion bailout.

In general, the eight F-5 twisters appearing before the panel were contrite and conceded they have work to do to win over a bitter public and an exasperated Congress. They had little choice but to acknowledge as much, given intense anger and anxiety as the troubled financial system continues to spiral (no pun intended) downward in an ever-worsening recession.

LONE GROVE, Okla. – Emergency crews on Wednesday searched for more victims amid the wreckage of homes and businesses smashed by a cluster of bankers that killed at least eight people.

The National Weather Service issued a banker warning, meaning bankers were imminent and residents should take shelter, at 6:50 p.m. Another was issued at 7:15 p.m. when the bankers were spotted, and hit Lone Grove 10 minutes later.