Loser News

As part of his MACA (Make America Confused Again) campaign, President Trump says that he is considering protecting some illegals from deportation in order to help farmers who are relying on them for labor.

“Farmers grow food,” the Head of State advised reporters, “and they need people to pick up that food when it’s grown.  Now, evidently, only foreign people who are here illegally can do that.”

In the same breath, the President doubled-down on his current immigration policies, saying, “We’re not talking amnesty here.  We’re just giving the farmers the people they need, by protecting a specific group of people with certain skills from involuntary expulsion from the country.  It only sounds like amnesty to very stupid people.

Secretary of Agriculture, Brooke Rollins, reiterated the President’s statement later at a press conference.  “He’s definitely against amnesty,” she confirmed.  “But he does recognize the value of Strategic Mass Deportations, which is a completely different concept…unless, of course, you’re a very stupid person.”