Loser News

Holy mooses! I just found out that the new live action Snow White was releasing this week!

I thought Disney launched that bowel-barge two years ago and it was currently resting at the bottom the cinematic sewage system with After Earth, St. Elmo’s Fire, and 70% of the Star Wars saga.

But as art imitates life, it somehow floated back to the surface in spite of all attempts to flush it down. In my house a perennial problematic poo of this magnitude would get the “Special Spoon”.

But now everyone is screaming, “OMG! Snow White is being played by an ethnic!”

Where was this outcry when Zegler replaced Natalie Wood in Westside Story?!?

And don’t get me started on the dwarves.  Sure, they could have used actual people to portray these mysterious mythical beings, but only a pack of CGI rendered, dead-eyed nightmares like this could lend a spark of life to the vacuously inanimate cast of this box office stink-pickle!