A shocking investigation by the Heritage Foundation’s Oversight Project has revealed that virtually every document bearing Joe Biden’s signature during his presidency was signed in crayon — except for one.
”You know how sharp pens are,” remarked ex-First Lady and educator, Jill Biden, “and we didn’t want him putting an eye out.”
The investigation shows that the White House purchased seventy-eight 64-packs of Crayola Crayons from 2020-2024, at an expense of nearly $700.
”We needed the ones with the sharpener,” advised a Secret Service member who wished to remain anonymous. “Celtic couldn’t seem to keep those things out of his mouth.”
Biden’s handlers also kept at least three Crayola 8-packs within the black briefcase, known as the Nuclear Football, whenever they travelled.
Investigators say Biden was particularly fond of an oversized crimson crayon he’d received on his 80th birthday (shown above), which he named Big Red.
“Oh yeah,“ remarked US Senator, Chuck Schumer, “if you saw Big Red come out, you knew heads were going to roll.”
Per the Heritage Foundation’s investigation, the only document the President didn’t sign with a crayon was his son, Hunter’s, pardon.
”Yeah, he signed that one with a curly-fry,” explained Dan Mauler, Heritage Counsel’s General Counsel and Secretary. “I doubt that one will hold up in court.”
Loser News 
Leave a comment