Loser News

At the close of just the second month of his term, President Trump is shaking things up again with a proposal to change the names a number of states.

”I have just signed an Executive Order which will rename 19 States,” he told reporters at a press conference earlier today, “because their current names are incredibly stupid and ridiculously idiotic.

That the 19 states in question are the same states Trump lost in his election has democrats concerned this most recent EO is simply retaliation for not casting their votes in his direction, but Trump denies the allegation.

”Nothing could be farther from the truth,” he advised.  “Whoever named those states did a ridiculously bad job and came up with idiotic, very bad names.”

The President plans to rename the states based on their shape, or at least his interpretation of their shape.

Per EO 14301 the west coast states of Washington, Oregon and California will now be known as Fish-Head, Poundcake, and Boomerang, while Minnesota and Illinois will be called Tidal Wave and Upsidedown Michigan.

The other states’ new monikers are still in the making, but sources say the President would like to consolidate New England and simply call it “Dog on Boogie-Board”.