Loser News

BERLIN, Europe-Bono has vowed to wave the blue EU flag at his next concert in a provocative act of support for Europe amid the Brexit row.

The U2 frontman said it is the job of a rock star to shock – and he hopes to ruffle feathers by waving the Brussels emblem when their tour kicks off in Berlin this week. The millionaire singer – an arch critic of Britain’s looming departure – also railed against the rise of nationalism in Europe and defended the Brussels project.

He said watching Angela Merkel open Germany’s doors to more than one million Syrians at the height of the refugee crisis made him ‘proud’.

“Certainly, I wouldn’t do it,” he remarked. “My neighborhood wouldn’t allow it, and housing prices would plummet.”

On a lighter note, legendary Irish rock band U2 canceled a performance in Berlin on Saturday night, saying that lead singer Bono had “suffered a complete loss of voice.”

Band doctor, Stephen Lynch, speculates that damage to the cerebral cortex, which controls both the vocal chords and sense of perspective, may play a factor. “Once his reasoning abilities began to fail, I suspected his voice wouldn’t be far behind. Frankly, I’m surprised it took this long.”

Others speculate the sanctimonious singer may have choked on his own hubris earlier in the day while practicing his flag waving routine, damaging both his ego and vocal chords.

“We’re so sorry for tonight’s cancellation. Bono was in great voice and at his narcissistic best prior to the show. We were all looking forward to indoctrinating the masses in Berlin, but after a few back-and-forths with the flag, he suffered a complete loss of logic,” the statement said.

The band is on tour until November 10 and is next due to perform September 4, but may have to revert to EU emblazoned foam fingers to avoid further damage to their lead singer’s psyche.