Loser News

ST. LOUIS- (Reuters) A violent protest Saturday night was canceled due to interference by rockternative band, U2.

"We cannot in good conscience risk our demonstrators' safety by proceeding with tonight’s fire and looting plans", advised a masked representative for the group. "As much as we regret having to cancel, we feel it is the only acceptable course of action in the current environment."

Due to the number of police officers needed to contain U2's impromptu concert, organizers felt the protest's security would be understaffed.

"We have been informed by the St. Louis Police Department that they are not in a position to provide the standard heavy-handed retaliation for our protesters as would be expected for an event of this size", a spokesperson added. "We have also been informed that local crowd security personnel would barely be enough to contain us."

Demonstrators attending the event in hopes of acquiring a free television received a coupon for a free up-size at Ted Drew's Frozen Custard.

ST. LOUIS (Reuters) – More than 80 members of the band U2 were arrested on Sunday night while putting on a concert that interfered with planned protests in St Louis.

The band turned violent for a third night as Police in riot gear used pepper spray on the performers, arresting several roadies, a backup keyboard player, and lead singer/philanthropist, Bono, who had defied orders to discontinue the musical presentation. After nightfall, several band members smashed windows and attempted to block a ramp to an interstate highway, police and witnesses said.

Officers tackled some musicians who defied police orders and used pepper spray before starting the mass arrests. Acting police commissioner Lawrence O‘Toole struck a hard stance, saying:

“I don't know who U2 is, but we’re in control, this is our city, and we’re going to protect it.”

Police reported confiscating several musical instruments including guitars, drumsticks, and a rope-tuned, skin covered hand drum later identified as a djembe. Also recovered was a spherical glass container with a single spout containing an unknown chemical that hit officers, who were then decontaminated.