Loser News

As Donald Trump inches closer to securing the Republican presidential nomination, some of the entertainment industry’s most progressive celebrities have vowed to take drastic action in the event he wins. Below are nine celebrities who have vowed to leave the country if Trump wins the presidency.

Hillary Duff took to Instagram last week to call Trump a “(expletive) nightmare” and wrote she’d “move out da country” if he wins. She also vowed to take her alter-go, Billy Ray Cyrus, if she does leave. “YOU DT ARE NOT GOD NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU THINK YOU ARE!!! if he doesn’t think he is “God” he thinks he is the (expletive) chosen one or some (expletive)! We’re all just (expletive) jam between his rich (expletive) toes! Honestly (expletive) this (expletive) I am moving if this is my president! I don’t say things I don’t mean!”

She later thanked the “(expletive) Disney Channel” for vaulting her to stardom so that she could unleash such vitriolic partisan venom and actually be heard.

The Predator, who burst onto the big screen in 1987, went off on Trump during a January episode of The View. “Listen, he can be whatever party he wants to be,” she said, “but that’s not the president I want!”

Longtime friend and 2012 Presidential Candidate, Allen Chestburster, expressed concern. “Certainly, Yautja’s movie career never really survived it’s Sister Act phase, but it still has that View gig, and they don’t even know it’s gender.”

“Maybe it’s time for me to move” Predator observed. “You know, I can afford to go, and my ship repairs are almost complete.”

The alien’s ABC co-host, Incredible Hulk, also expressed some angst regarding Trump’s presidential bid.   “HuLK pROmiSe, iF aNY REpubLiCAn nOMiNaTEd tHIs ELeCtiOn, HuLk mOVe tO Canada wiTH aLL HuLK’s family!!” he told his co-hosts last month.

Following the commercial break and transformation back to normal, Bruce Banner sheepishly apologized to the audience. “I meant if a Republican was “elected”, I’d leave. Sometimes I just get caught up in the emotion.”

Hulk’s immediate supervisor, Nick Fury, accused Trump of running a campaign based on “hate” in a recent interview with the Hollywood Reporter. He later told Jimmy Kimmel: “If that (expletive) becomes president, I’m moving my black ass to South Africa.”

“Geez, that seems a little extreme”, remarked Steve Rogers, who works closely with the S.H.I.E.L.D. head. “I mean, Americans aren’t supposed to run away from a fight. Plus, if he leaves, how are we going to defeat HYDRA?”

Cheech Marin is certainly no fan of Trump. Shortly after Trump announced he would run for president in June, the comedian told TMZ that, “If he wins, he won’t have to worry about immigration. We’ll all go back.” However, the Latino entertainer later balked at having that statement notarized.

Fred Berry, who played Rerun on 70’s hit sitcom, What’s Happenin’, said he was booking a plane ticket in the event of a Trump win. “If Donald Trump is the nominee … I’m also reserving my ticket to get out of here if he wins. Only because he’d probably have me deported anyhow,” he said from the desert line at Golden Corral earlier this week.

Bronson Pinchot, who played the 80’s favorite unspecific immigrant, Serge’ from Beverly Hills Cop, told People last year: “I would consider getting in a rocket and going to another planet, because clearly this planet’s gone bonkers.” When advised that astrologists have yet to find another planet that is habitable by humans, the acto-tainer said he’d vote for Kanye West “before (expletive) Donald Trump.”

Deceased rapper, Tupac Shakur, did admit that Trump is good at making money, “but he’s an ignorant (expletive) when it comes to social issues. If Trump wins, I’m moving my ashes to Africa…” When reminded that his ashes had been smoked by members of his old band, the Outlawz, he moped pack to the afterlife.

Historic Native American figure, Pocahontas, has been a vocal critic of Trump, often lashing out at the billionaire frontrunner on Twitter during the televised Republican debates. Last year, the 350 year-old “Color of the Wind” singer tweeted: “IF HE WERE TO BE ELECTED, I’M MOVING TO JUPITER.” As with Pinchot, it was explained to her that currently people can only survive on Earth.