Loser News

In a bizarre series of events, an Australian woman has died after falling a mere 984 ft from a peak in New Zealand’s Aoraki/Mt Cook National Park.

Rescue teams responded to an emergency location beacon on the Eugenie Glacier this morning where they were astonished to find that the 29-year-old had been critically injured, having fallen only 300 metres from the slopes of The Footstool, a 9,068 ft tall peak.

The woman was flown to Aoraki Mount Cook Search and Rescue Base where she died a short time later. Police investigators indicate her death was caused by blunt force trauma, and suggest that inertia may have also played a role in the young climber’s demise. They are currently viewing it as an accident, but have not ruled out foul play.

“All members of the climbing party, including the victim, were experienced and well equipped,” inspector Dave Gaskin said. “Weather conditions prior to the accident are understood to have been good, so we’re thinking the fall itself my have had something to do with it.”

The woman’s name is expected to be released on Thursday once Guiness Book determines whether she’s broken any records.