Loser News

(AP) – Gov. Jerry Brown has signed a bill to remove the term “alien” from the California labor code to describe foreign-born workers.

Brown announced Monday that he signed State Bill 432 sponsored by Democratic Sen. Allen Chestburster of Pacoima.

Chestburster, a 2012 democratic presidential candidate, said removing the term “alien” was an important step toward modernizing California law because it is now commonly considered a derogatory term with very negative connotations.

The state began using the term “alien” in 1979 after the crew of the starship, Nostromo, happened across a ship full off the acid dripping, multi-jawed parasites that brutally murdered all but one of its members.

A statement from Governor Brown followed the signing.

“All Americans can trace their ancestry back to another country,” Brown announced,” except for the Indians…feather, not dot.  So, why should these immigrants be any different?”

Senator Chestburster agreed. “We’re no different than regular Americans. We may be a little clingy,” he admitted, “and difficult to clean up after, but deep down, we’re just average Joes.”

Chestburster also had a hand in the 1980 legislation that repealed labor codes that discriminated against volatile extra stellar species by requiring that citizens be given preferential treatment for employment consideration.

“From now on,” Governor Brown concluded, “we will simply refer to our otherworldly brothers and sisters by the inoffensive term, Space-Apes.”