Loser News

Ex-prostitute, Vivian Lewis-Ward, has had to walk back inflammatory statements she made twenty-five years ago as Philadelphia investigators continue to sift through the wreckage of a passenger train that jumped the track and killed eight people on May 12.

“I was extremely young and naïve back then”, Lewis-Ward explained. “Still, given recent events, it was a callous thing to say.

“I only said ‘This baby must corner like it’s on rails’ so Eddie would think I was cool”, Lewis-Ward continued, “In retrospect, however, it seems that things on rails may not corner all that well.”

Philadelphia District Attorney, R. Seth Williams, has not decided whether to file charges against the retired lady of leisure yet, but the White House has promised an investigation into the incident once it has completed it’s investigation of the Freddy Gray shooting case in Baltimore, which should begin shortly after the investigation of the Ferguson, MO Police Department has been completed.