Loser News

Dear Dr. Baddadvaisz,

I’ve been hearing a lot about this Ebola thing in Africa. Scientists say it’s super-contagious and could spread all over the United States. Should I be concerned?

Worried Sick

 

Dear Wanda,

The only thing more stupid than a stupid nurse is a stupid scientist. That is why they change their minds so often. One day Ecstasy is good for you, the next day it is not. Who can keep track?

Ebola, like e-mail, eBay, and eHarmony, is made by the people who brought you the World Wide Internet. It is spread by sharing keyboards, Skyping, and visiting the ABC Family Network website. “Scientists” will tell you it is deadly because they want to keep the internet all to themselves, and because you wouldn’t dance with them at the Freshman Frolic.

So, if you hear someone close to you has contracted eBola, just give them a wink and a smile to let them know you have the inside information.

“E” you later,

Dr B.