Loser News

The Ad Council took time off from their Do Your Own Thing! campaign to team up with Michelle Obama for another chapter of the Let’s Move! shame-fest.

As a change of pace, they will introduce an actual victim of non-movement as opposed to showering the public with vocal platitudes from fictional characters like Bugs Bunny and Kevin Durant. The new face of fat-hate will be Choon Moo, a two hundred and fifty pound 2-year-old girl that the program is renting from China.

The new series of PSA’s will document Choon’s progress as she learns the importance of nutrition and exercise, strapped to an elliptical machine that dispenses one baby carrot every three miles.

Though Moo’s dreams of travelling to Japan to establish China’s preeminence in female sumo-wrestling have been crushed, she still determinedly chants her mantra “wǒ lèi le, wǒ è le” as she shuffles her stubby limbs toward greatness.

Choon’s parents were advised to be very proud by officials from both the United States and the People’s Republic Of China.