Loser News

Dear Dr. Baddadvaisz,

I really love Thanksgiving, but always tend to over eat. Then, the next morning I wake up with a food hangover and can barely make it to Penneys for the Black Friday Super Sale. What’s a girl to do?

Sincerely,

M. Osmond

 

Dear Moises,

A hang over is just Mother Nature’s way of saying you are a pig or an alcoholic. In my country, we do not have Thanksgiving, but I have partaken of it at one of your Golden Corrals.  I particularly enjoyed the flowing chocolate vat.

In many cases, the tendency to overeat is the product of a disruptive childhood, in which you are forced to perform for crowds and kept in a cage with siblings or other sideshow freaks for an extended period of time. In any case, you should outgrow this by your seventies and enjoy a full and healthy life until your body fails due to heart disease or diabetes.

Happy Holidays,

Dr. B