Loser News

Dear Abner,

I recently began experimenting with Mexican food and have noticed that my stool is looser than before. Do you see any connection?

“Taco” To You Later.

 

Dear Mike,

I don’t know much about Mexicans, but keep an eye out. If they’re messing with your stool it could spell disaster and a potential insurance claim. Set up a couple security cameras on or near your stool and spread flour on the floor in the kitchen, then check for footprints in the morning. I think Mexican feet look different from normal feet, so you should be able to tell if they came in.