Loser News

Hey y’all. It’s me, Cee-Lo Green, and I’d like to talk to you about the very serious problem of weight loss.

You know, people always tell me to get my vitamin C, so I googled it and guess what I found out. Vitamin C is an acid. Acid is in Compound W. Compound W burns the warts off my Noo-Noo, and Noo-Noo warts come from spending too much time “creeping” with the girls from TLC.

Now, if you’re like me, you don’t want to eat nothing that burns up your insides, which is why I’ve come up with the new Cee-Lo Low C Diet. By cutting Vitamin C completely out of your daily consumption, you will ensure that your vital internal organs don’t melt or get eaten away. Plus, there are many other health benefits that come with my plan;

1.Fatigue – It will keep that fat-goo from getting you. Fat-goo is responsible for 90% or all fatalities at the Waffle House.

2.Mood Changes – Individuals that stop eating vitamin C can yell louder and don’t have to listen to people’s stupid ideas.  Plus, your mood ring is gonna bling.

3.Weight Loss – By skipping your vitamin C, you can encounter sudden weight loss, followed by unconsciousness and inadvertent bowel movement.

4.Joint and Muscle Aches – You know that something is working when your muscles ache. It’s just like doing a bunch of reps at the gym.

Now, once you have gotten all of the vitamin C out of your system, you will develop a condition called Scurvy. Now, that rhymes with “curvey”, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

So get with me and dump that C, but not the Cee-Lo Green.