Loser News

Hi, Big Brother here. Well, not the Big Brother. I’m just the image they use to express the amalgamous infrastructure of fascist, self-appointed overseers whom seek to gain control of your culture.

Now, don’t get me confused with “The Man”, who wants to keep you down by shear force of will and corporate deception. No, that’s too much work, and a logistics nightmare given the complicated nature of the apparatus. My goal is to convince you to keep yourselves down, while ensuring those around you are kept down as well.

Sure, I’m a little behind my lofty dreams for 1984, but the last three-ish decades of weak leadership and political greed have sowed the seeds of government dependence, promising a cash crop of genetically modified national security… corn…or possibly beans. I still haven’t worked that part out.

Most recently, I’ve focused on forcing wireless carriers to retain text message logs for at least two years. I’m saying it’s to monitor global terrorism and child pornography rings, but, in truth, I just want to know what crap you guys are up to.

Anywho, just wanted to let you know I was still here, and ready to take care of all your personal, financial, and medical needs as soon as you relinquish your constitutional rights in the name of national security.

Ciao.