Loser News

Pocatello, ID- Lee Jasper Roberson was given a smile and a high five by police today following a vehicluar mishap he caused in a middle school parking lot.

Roberson, a recovering alcoholic and substitute short-bus driver, was relieved that he wasn’t arrested for his third DUI in the past eight months.

“The judge said he was going to put me away for a long time if he ever saw me again,” Lee Jasper commented as he briskly walked away from the scene. “I feel kinda bad about letting them think I was retarded or whatever, but I can’t go back to jail.”

“He’s an inspiration,” remarked Sgt. Mike Decker of the Bannock County Sheriff’s Department. “He’s had to overcome a lot in his life, and he can still almost drive a bus.”

PPD Officer, Raymond Sanchez agreed. “He’s like the Rosa Parks of mental disabilities.” 

Several special needs students that were injured in the accident also received high-fives from emergency responders on the scene.