Loser News

Holy beefy bistros!! I borrowed a book from my neighbor, who said he thought I would “enjoy it”, which as you know means that it is a secret government document that only I can decipher by using the mystical De Manson Code.  Here’s what it said: 

Heat oven to 375°F. Gently scrub potatoes, but do not peel. Pierce potatoes several times with a fork to allow steam to escape while potatoes bake.

Bake 1 hour to 1 hour 15 minutes or until potatoes are tender when pierced in center with a fork.

When potatoes are cool enough to handle, cut lengthwise in half; scoop out inside, leaving a thin shell. In medium bowl, mash potatoes with potato masher or electric mixer on low speed until no lumps remain. Add milk in small amounts, beating after each addition with potato masher or electric mixer on low speed (amount of milk needed to make potatoes smooth and fluffy depends on kind of potatoes used).

Add butter, salt and pepper; beat vigrously until potatoes are light and fluffy. Stir in cheese and chives. Fill potato shells with mashed potato mixture. Place on ungreased cookie sheet.

Increase oven temperature to 400°F. Bake about 20 minutes or until hot.

“TOE SWAMPS HUNT CONDOLLEEMMA RICE. -STEVE”

Thus, we know know that the Eurasian Empire (aka, “Toe Swamps”) will attempt to kill the former Secretary of State…providing you understand that m’s are often substituted for z’s by Russian intelligence organizations and Planned Parenthood.

Unfortunately, this was the last transmission Steve Jobs was able to send me before he was abducted by the evil Pirates of Penzoil.