WASHINGTON, D.C.-Government watchdog and homemaker, Pearl Handleman, revealed today that the FBI has been withholding information regarding their Ten Most Wanted list. Specifically, Handleman noted that the despite the capture of James “Whitey” Bulger and the death of Usama Bin Laden, the list still states that these two are among the Ten.
“I believe ten minus two equals eight,” remarked Handleman at a press conference earlier today. “That’s almost a twenty percent reduction!”
Yet the Bureau is still operating on a Ten Most Wanted budget, despite harsh cutbacks by other government agencies.
“This is the biggest conspiracy since the Kennedy Assassination,” declared slovenly activist, Michael Moore. “I’ll bet the vampires funding the Red Cross are behind it.”
FBI Director, Robert Mueller, denied allegations that his agency was withholding information for financial gain.
“We just haven’t updated our website in a couple months,” he acknowledged. “The guy we had doing it got a job at the GAP.”
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