Loser News

This year rocked!! Our profits totally douched those crap slappers at Accelerated. I love you guys! You’re the best bunch of bovine breeders a boss could ever ask for, and even though Rita in accounting wouldn’t sleep with me, it’s okay because I think she’s a lesbian.

Freddy, I just want to thank you for being the best Assistant Manager I’ve ever had since Jeff was fired for stealing pig lubricant.

Steve, it’s cool with me that you took all that time off for your prostate cancer and didn’t get your work done. Sorry corporate docked your pay, but at least you still have a job, not like Jeff.

I was super-spyched that we were able to dodge that castrator recall. Nice job juggling the books on that one, Barb. I mean, you could go to prison if anybody finds out! Way to take one for the team.

Anyway, I just want you guys to know how totally awesome you are for giving up your raises so we could be the number one artificial insemination supply company in the greater Milwaukee area. It sucks I won’t be here for next year’s party since I’ve been promoted to Vice President of semen syringes.

Have a great year!