Loser News

It’s not as bad as it sounds…or is it? Recently, the President signed an Executive Order establishing the White House Council for Community Solutions, and asked the Brett Favre of Pop to participate. Twenty-four professional philanthropists / hangers-on join the Jersey rocker to pretend to salvage the aftermath of a decades’ long socio-economic malfeasance .

Aside from bringing the President his morning coffee, the group will be tasked with “providing strategic input and recommendations to help the federal government promote greater innovation and cross-sector collaboration”, which means they will do practically nothing.

Among this group of everymen and blue-collar chicks are a previous Microsoft exec, the bride of Apple Computers, and a lawyer for Starbuck’s. The rest are comprised of organic food pushers, globalization gurus, bankers, climate change propagandists, and head of the PR firm that represents both Nutri System and McDonalds.

“Jon Bon Jovi is too legit to quit,” the President declared at a press conference later that day. “No wonder all the kids love him!”