Loser News

Nearly three hundred rioters were jailed yesterday, clashing with police over the government’s proposed raising of the national retirement age.

“Comment vous appellez-vous”, said one protestor before police threw him to the ground and stuffed a croisant in mouth. “J’ai perdu mon passeport!!” he managed, spraying buttery, flaky, spit-moistened bread particles in the gendarmes’ collective faces.

Already working a thirty-five hour work week (but only getting paid for thirty-nine hours), French laborers would be forced to work two more years…minus their annual eight weeks vacation…which comes out to eighty-eight more thirty-five hour weeks than their predecessors.

“There is a time to laugh and a time not to laugh,” suggested Inspector Jacques Clouseau of the French Sûreté, “and this is not one of them.”

The government is hoping the hostilities won’t interrupt next month’s La Toussaint celebrations.