Loser News

Holy cheap suits, Batman!! This morning I got up, cleaned the living room, and then I saw it. That’s right. Carpet circles.

When I went to bed lastnight, there was no evidence of alien life, just a few dog toys and a couple Marcy Weights.  And since Rachel and the kids were out of town, I slept on the couch, only feet away from the close encounter.

I’m surprised the animals didn’t freak out, but the aliens probably made a pact with our opressed domestic creatures in order to gain information on the human race.  Whatever the case, I’ve got my eye on them.

I’m waiting to see what top government officials say once they’ve reviewed my photographic evidence, but I’m relatively certain they’ll invade my home with their plastic suits and humungous dryer vent hoses, and strap me to a gurney beside my pseudo-morphic extra-terrestrial counterpart while the Mrs. steals a van and gets the guys together at the playground.  Then we head for the mountains and the mothership. 

I hope Drew Barrymore’s there so I can get her autograph.