Ever since porpoises evolved from rhinoceroses, they’ve been hunted, killed, and teased with fish by the upstart species known as homo sapiens (pronounced: hoe-moe-say-pee-ins). Now this aquatic mammal is on the verge of extinction due to racial violence, illicit drug use, and iodine poisoning. However, numerous sources have come out of the wood work to lend a hand, or fin, to their seafaring siblings.
The animal protection organization, PETA (People Entirely Too Anal) has donated 5 million dollars to Kim Jung Il, self appointed King of the Porpoises.
“No kill Flipper!” Il proclaimed on North Korean, government owned and sanctioned television. “He good fish!!”
The primary threat to harbor porpoises is “bycatch” in fishing gear, specifically in gillnets and trawls, a spokesperson from NOAA, the National Organic Arithmetic Association, advised. “However, I have no idea what a gill-net or trawl is.”
Aside from the North Koreans and NOAA,Pastor Rick Warren has offered to donate all of the proceeds from his best-selling book A Porpoise Driven Life, to the cause.
Loser News 
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