Loser News

Ever see that awesome show The Biggest Loser? Well, I was trying out for the new season (the day after I got hit on the head and lost my memory) because I was tired of looking at myself in the mirror all morning and not liking what I saw.

When I didn’t make the show because I wasn’t fat enough, I became very upset and tried to drive home but couldn’t remember how to get home…or how to drive.  Luckily, I still remembered my Visa number, so I went shopping at my favorite store, The Gap… at least I really like it today.

Anyway, while I was trying on a slimming, full-body, black leotard I started getting some serious indigestion.  I thought I was going to puke, but then my bladder exploded all over the floor.  One of the sales girls asked me is it was “time”, but since I have amnesia I didn’t remember what that word meant. 

Since I felt so crappy, I decided to treat myself to some frogurt at TCBY.  So I slogged through the mall  in my soggy leotard that the folks at the Gap gave me for free, but didn’t feel much like eating by the time I got to the yogurt pagoda because I was having serious stomach cramps.  So, I went and saw Avatar.

It was really good, but I fell asleep half-way through, and when I woke up I totally freaked because there was this little, slimy humanoid thing attached to me with a rope made of human skin, wailing at the tip of its alien lungs.  Gross-o-rama!!