Loser News

Once upon a time there was an errand boy sent by grocery clerks….to collect a bill. He went into a field of flowers with his best friend Ferdinand the Panda.  I can’t remember… Must have been a gardenia plantation at one time, but you have no right to call me a murderer because there’s nothing that I detest more than the stench of lies!.

Anyway, the boy’s name was Jupiter Farnsworth, and he and Ferdinand soon realized that it’s impossible for words to describe what is necessary to those who do not know what horror means! Pig after pig. Cow after cow. Village after village. Perfect, genuine, complete, crystalline, pure. 

Later that day, I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a happy clown’s nose. The snail’s name was Kitty, but that’s neither here nor there, because Ferdinand accidentally stepped on him.  Seems a thousand centuries ago. The horror… the horror… the end.