Loser News

Hi, I’m Shepard Smith. Yes, THE Shepard Smith. The Shepard Smith you see on TV. The Shepard Smith you think is totally the bomb and super hunky and neat. That’s the Shepard Smith I am.  

Why are there three of me in that picture up there?  The question should be, “Why aren’t there four?”  After all, I’m Shepard Smith.

Unfortunately, some people don’t think that I, Shepard Smith, am the ultimate in psuedo-cellestial TV news anchor-persons (Notice that I didn’t say “anchorMEN“?  That shows that I, Shepard Smith, am sensitive.) and suggest, among other things, that I, Shepard Smith, have no value system, questionable sexuality, a deeply skewed liberal bias, and bad hair.

Some will even go as far as to compare me, Shepard Smith,  to “Riff” from Westside Story (whom we all know died at the hands of rival Sharks leader Bernardo) and demand I, Shepard Smith,  “do that thing where I snap my fingers right before I get into a fight”, and sing “When You’re A Jet” at their local inner city basketball court.  

Yet still I, Shepard Smith, love the public that has made my show, The FOX Report with Shepard Smith, #1 in its 7:00 p.m. time slot for 92 consecutive months, and has allowed my daytime show, Studio B with Shepard Smith to double the ratings of CNN Newsroom, MSNBC Live, and  Power Rangers: Ninja Storm.  

So I, Shepard Smith, would just like to thank everyone out there that watches me, Shepard Smith, on a daily basis to see what I, Shepard Smith, will have to say about airline pilots, dead soldiers, and those texting teens.