Loser News

Astronomers are becoming increasingly agitated with people confusing them with astrologers, and with the recent occurrence of a solar eclipse, tensions are running high.

“I mean, we’re scientists for cripe’s sakes!!” complained astronomy professor and pseudo-nerd, Dr. Ian Poopadopolous.  “We’re not flipping Tarot cards or dishing out 1-900 numbers to the drooling masses. We’re simply explaining the universe in its most empirical mathematical formula, basing our findings on said inconclusive research, and delivering it to the public as unquestionable fact.”

The Celestial Astrology Consortium, however, does not concur. “We be just as trustwordy as day are, maahhn.” related CAC spokesperson, Ms. Cleo. “Dem jus’ wanna keep all da money for dayselves.”

Cosmologist, Fern Aspertame had this to say. “Oh, I thought you asked if I was a cosmetologist.”