Loser News

The other day I was toking a doob while I waited for my date outside of the abortion clinic, and I accidentally dropped my empty Mountain Dew bottle at a passing motorist.  Well, this jerk got out of his car and was like, “What’s your deal, man?!?”  And that’s when I realized just how intolerant people can be.

Not me, though.  I’m totally tolerant of everybody.  Like, if I had kids, I wouldn’t be like “Don’t touch that stove!”, or, “Keep your face out of the fan!!”.  I’d be like, “Go ahead, Buddy.  Explore your world.” 

And I wouldn’t use constricting terms like good, bad, and love.  Those words make you a slave to the antiquated norms of a repressive society.  Nah, I’d say things like, “Find your own truth” and, “I tolerate you with all my tolerance”. 

And I’d never take them to church.  All those religious people are hypocrites and dicks, and anybody who believes that jazz about Jesus and stuff should be placed in Bellvue and sterilized.  There’s no room for that crap in a tolerant world.