Many of you have written in saying, “Hey Dr. B, can you address some of the ‘faqs’ regarding the swine flu?” Well, first of all, it should be known that all of us are susceptible to the swine flu, not just faqs. But I will address some of the questions which frequently pop up during an outbreak of this type.
Q: What is swine flu?
A: Swine Flu is a respiratory influenza caused by speaking Pig Latin. It can be transmitted by visiting Wisconsin, playing beach volleyball, or sharing dressing rooms at Mervyn’s.
Q: Is Swine Flu more dangerous than ordinary flu?
A: Swine Flu is six billion times more dangerous than ordinary flu.
Q: What should I do to keep from getting the flu?
A: First and most important: Don’t speak Pig Latin. Also, get plenty of peanut butter, drink Dr. Pepper knock-offs like Mr. Pibb or Dr. Thunder, and try to breathe less. Experts say taking one breath every two minutes will dramatically reduce your chances of contracting the Swine flu.
Q: What should I do if I get sick?
A: Act normal. If people suspect you have the Swine Flu you will be taken into custody and shipped off to a top secret government lab where they will do dreadful experiments on you. Remain in crowded areas so as not to draw too much attention to yourself.
Q: Can I get swine flu from eating or preparing pork?
A: Certainly, but the easiest way is by speaking Pig Latin.
Oh-nay arge-chay (J.K., J.K.),
Dr. B
Loser News 
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