Loser News

The other day the doctor told me that I had to get my cholesterol down or my head would explode, and that I had to get my blood sugar down or else I’d get tetanus and have to take diaretics for the rest of my life, or something.

So anyway, I totally started eating right and I know my cholesterol is going down because my socks seem looser, and I’m telling my wife about the awesome dinner I made myself, with chicken and whole wheat rotini in marinara sauce with broccoli and a piece of wheat toast.  Delicious and nutritious!!

Then the Misses says, “Was the chicken breaded?”  And I’m like, “Yeah.”  And she’s like, “Hmmmmm…”  Which means she thinks she’s smarter than me again. 

So I didn’t say anything for a  half hour, which is how men say, “You hurt my feelings,” and then ate a humungoid bowl of Peanut Butter Crunch, which is a totally effective yet infantile response to criticism.