Loser News

You saw it here first, folks!!  That's right, I stumbled across this while hacking into the governement's USDA mainframe.  It's The Dans game plan for the coming year.  Read for yourself:

To All My Homies and Peeps, (Standard gangster greeting)

I've already said it a couple times, but just as a reminder. 2009 will be a breakout year! The annual Frosty5 (gang symposium) is only a couple weeks away, start planning and register early for the discount. Tom ("T-Bikes" Depp), I know you are going to skip this trail run (gang fight). However, this weekend marks the beginning of a 12 week training program for the Martian 1/2 (drug reference). I plan on running the Churchill 1/2 (more drug references) in March as a training run. The Martian will be an all out ball buster, sub 2:00 PR. (Taking out rival Puerto Rican gangs)

Here is a tentative list, and I do mean tentative. (Gang Strategy)

#1. I have never completed the DexterAnnArbor 1/2 so that will be my goal for June. (Drug reference and timetable)

#2. Dan (Leader of The Dans) and I are going to compete in a 2 Man Team Triathlon (death match for gang leadership) June 7th near Cincinnati, Ohio. Registration is $70 plus rental of a canoe (automatic weapon). That's right, a 6 mile canoe trip (shoot-out) is the first leg of the race. It is the oldest Triathlon in the continental 48 states, only the Hawaiin Ironman (gin and pineapple juice) is older.If anyone else is interested and/or knows a possible teammate (potential gang recruits) let me know.

#3. I have missed the Hell and Crim (Hells Angels and Michigan Crips) for the last 2 years, so those will be next on my list (to defeat) in August.

#4. Tom (T-Bikes) and I plan on running the full Detroit Marathon (interstate drug trafficking) , so all training will be focused on that after the Crim (Michigan Crips). I am going to run with a pace group this year (go undercover in a rival gang) for a PR (Puerto Ricans). When the race gets closer, I will decide the pace then (will take out leadership). I am going to try around 4:15 to 4:30 (between April 15 and April 30).

   Sincerely,

      T-Roy

(Dans War General)