Loser News

If you happen to be one of the seven people in the world who doesn’t celebrate Christmas, then I’d like to wish you a very merry Yomramakkwanzanadan, or as I like to call it “Yom-Rom”! 

Now you and your sect, creed, crew, or faction can jump into the holiday festivities with all us right-wing, fundamental nut-balls that actually think our religion is the right one.  Here’s all you have to do:

1)Think of a way you’re different from other people (race, height, hair color, handedness) and develop a belief system based on that premise.

2)Come up with a series of “practices” that you observe for an average of thirty days per year; e.g. abstinence, prayer, watching American Gladiators, etc.

3)Get together with friends, loved one, pets at the end of said practices for a celebration.  The celebration should include two of the following: gifts, rich food, blood-shed, and a tasteful candle lighting ceremony (as seen above).

So, there you have it.  Your own Holiday!!  And best of all, nobody is trying to pressure you with their judgemental, intolerant belief in a God of love who sacrificed his only son to save a dying species known as mankind.

Merry Christmas, and may Godbless you and yours during this wonderful season and the year beyond.  Seacrest out!