Loser News

I’m sure you all know Sarah Michelle Geller’s cousin Uri, but did you know that his psychic abilities allow him to bend spoons with his mind?  Well, they do.

As a matter of fact, he can stop watches (and not just Stop-Watches), read minds, and cause English Football teams to lose, just by trying to help them win.

Sure, there are a lot of haters out there that say he’s a fake and a fraud…and a freak…and a gay-wad…I’m not sure where I was going with that, but I’ve decided to pattern my life after Uri’s.

Therefore, I am changing my name to “Yargi Dorgenheim”, moving to Peru, and buying myself some llama-skin chaps.