Loser News

Did you see that movie?!  What a smelly sci-fi poop-wad.  Anyway, this week is going by FAST.  So fast that I’ve even begun to question the constancy of time.  I tried to engage Ron in a lively debate in regard to this issue, but he simply refused to allow for the possiblity of time being subject to change, or even fluctuation.  He argued that a second was a second, a minute a minute, and an hour an hour, and that nothing could change that fact.

Well, luckily Ron has me.  Otherwise, he’d never get to expand his big, shiny cranium.  I used a water molecule as a point of reference, suggesting that as it heats up, it expands.  I then made the logical leap that there could be outside influences that might effect time particles as well, causing them to expand and contract, and making some moments actually longer than others. 

Ron started rubbing his head.

I laid out the possibility of time, as a living organism, coalescing, breathing rythmically throughout the great expanse of our solar system, and perhaps beyond.

Ron put his fingers in his ear and started humming.

I then went on to surmise that any alteration to time would have to be an almost universal effect, or else more people would notice it (instead of just me and Juliette Lewis).  Thus,I had actually pinned myself in with my own logic.  For if the effects on time were the same throughout the universe, then one would be unable to actually test this hypothesis, unless one stepped outside of said universe.

Fortunately, Ron didn’t notice because he was hitting his head against the wall and singing the Star Spangled Banner.  I said I had to get going, but evidently I’d made my point,for as I walked away, he told me that the last ten minutes had been the longest of his life.