Loser News

Now, I’m not one to wax political, but I’m beginning to sense a disturbance in the force and wanted to warn my young Padawans before the Emperor sends Anakin over to slice you in half. It seems that time has folded in on itself and the Clintons are returning to the Whitehouse…accept they don’t know they’re the Clintons.

See, after listening to Mrs. Michelle Lavaughn Robinson Obama’s deluge regarding Mccain’s running mate and her obvious charm and beauty, and how she feels it would be remiss to vote for a pretty person, when you could instead vote for her husband, I realized that she was a total whack job.  Plus she seems to have a Manchurianesque influence on her personal presidential pimp-daddy.

So I thought, “Hmmm.  What other political couple in the national spotlight is like that?”  And instantly my quandry was answered.  Billary. 

Yes Bill, the most pitied piece of trailer trash in America, and Hilary, the evil puppet master sentience behind National Health Care.

“But Deke,” you ask, “are they really that similar?”

We’ll have to go completely against my better judgement on this one and look at the facts.

Let’s start with the ladies.  Now Hilary was born in Illinois and earned her law degree from Harvard, whereas Michelle was born in Illinois and got her law degree from Yale. Completely different so far. 

Hilary is a lawyer that used to be on the board of directors for Wal-Mart, while Michelle is a lawyer that used to be on the board of directors for a company that was a major supplier to a store called Wal-Mart.  Both are obnoxiously wealthy and likewise outspoken in support of their sons…er, husbands, which brings us to the dudes.

Bill’s father died before his birth, while Barack’s dad was present for the first two years of his life, then moved to Africa.  Both lived with grandparents at times during their childhoods, Bill during his early years while his mother attended nursing school, and Barack when he left Indonesia to attend highschool in Hawaii. 

Coincidentally, (or by design) Bill received his law degree from Harvard and Barack from Yale.  Both married bloodthirsty, opinionated women who are bent on world domination, and chose to keep their last names for professional reasons (e.g., running for political office).

So, as you can see, there is no comparison between these two innocently apt political couples, nor any reason to believe that their relationships were forged by political ambitions rather than the pure, natural forces of greed and jurisprudence.