Loser News

Well, if you’re like me, and I hope you’re not, then you’ve already heard about the contentious t-shirts that kids are wearing to school these days.  Well, I recall a day when Sister Mary Screamsalot would whack you in the face with a yard stick if your pants fell down by accident on the playground.  No, I didn’t go to Catholic school.  Chuck Screamsalot had a hypersensitive twin sister with a poor sense of irony, but I digress…

Well, as you know, teens love it when their parents pick out their clothes, and are always looking for a way to stand out in the crowd, so in keeping with the whole “Provocative T-Shirt” thing, I decided to design a couple for my own kids.  Well, I had a couple Che Guevarra shirts left over from my mission to Nicaragua, so I whipped out the duct tape and went to work. 

Now, Zack is pretty easy going, so I selected the royal blue “Viva la Revolucion” shirt, and on the back I put “If you read this shirt I’ll shoot you in the face with the gun I have hidden in the brown paper bag in my locker!”  It was really tough to get all the letters on, so the other kids will have to get kind of close to read it, but that’ll make it all the more hilarious.  Sure, it’s not an exact translation, but I live in Smallmidwestown, USA, so whose going to know?!?

Noah’s a little more complex, so I decided to give him the red “Tengo una remera del Che, y no se porque” shirt (which is hilarious in itself, but I really wanted to push the envelope).  So I put “I’m with stupid” on the back with a big arrow pointing to the side (so whoever he’s walking next to will look like they’re “stupid”!!).  Whoo, that still makes me chuckle. 

Anyway, they pretended not to like the shirts (which is what teens do when they love something), so I’ll just play along and force them to wear them anyway.  I can’t wait for them to get home from school tomorrow and tell me about their exciting day, all thanks to me and my t-shirts.