Loser News

“Never use a five-eighths when a nine-sixteenths will do.” 

That saying is as true today as it was earlier this morning.  I'm not sure what it means, but it makes me all warm inside, and that's what is truly important. 

Sayings like; A stitch in time saves nine, Don't count your chickens before they're hatched, Hammer Time, have kept humanity off balance and mildly confused since the beginning of time.  And why question them?  They're eternal, after all.  Surely, someone with great mental fortitude is responsible for their origin… possibly…

Or perhaps not.  In truth, many of these "epiphanies" came from the inebriated, psycholigically disturbed, or cannibals.  Most of these folks were just sitting on a bar stool (or in their PJ's strapped to the bed, or gnawing on a femur) thinking about how many Twinkies it would take to fill the Eifel Tower, when inspiration hit and they said something like, "There's more than one way to skin a cat", or "Discretion is the better part of valor".  Then their significant other (bartender, psycholgist, witch doctor) took it and ran with it, spewing nonsense throughout our civilization and disabling rational thought throughout the universe, as our higher brain functions were replaced by the unquestionable logic of campy, rythmic paraphrasing.

So keep your head up, America, and remember: a rolling stone in the hand is worth two that gather (in the words of Roberto Duran) no moss.